bullying

I have to ask myself when I became that which I hated? When did I stop being the victim and become the victimizer? When did I stop being the bullied and become the bully? I don't know. At what point of being treated like I was worthless did I start to treat people that way?
When do I stop blaming others and take responsibility for who and what I have become?
There is a part of me that still believes what I have been told about myself and rather than paying no heed I try to make those who would say such things believe about themselves what they are saying about me. I do not want to be that way but unfortunately the price of such behavior is loneliness and solitude. I know that I can be better. I have no pity for myself only regret for what I have done to others.