No Facebook: Day Two

Today was a disaster…at least it started off that way. Perhaps the disaster was due to the aftermath of all the drama that happened last night and spending the rest of the day recovering from that tornado of events…I was not able to get much done.

I may have even failed my comm 317 quiz, which frustrates me, but there is nothing that can be done at this point. Still as much the aftermath of all the drama last night took its toll on me emotionally and left me tired and depressed throughout the day, but my spirits were picked up when my friend April invited me to have lunch with her at Chipotle and I ran into my friend Jackie who I had not seen since last semester. Seeing those two always seems to lift my spirits, but as I was eating lunch I noticed that I actually went through the whole meal and walk to and from the Chipotle on State College without pulling out my phone and going on facebook although I kept thinking about doing just that the whole time I was there. By not doing so I felt like I was taking part in a complete and meaningful conversation with someone. Still I noticed that my social and eating skills were a bit lacking in some areas but thats to expected when someone such as myself spends most of his time online instead of out in the real world.

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No Facebook: Day One

The first day without a facebook.

If you are reading this on the site its probably because every time I write a blog it is automatically imported to Facebook even without me using the site.

The day I would say was pretty productive. Instead of spending my time trolling around on other people’s profiles…obsessively and compulsively sometimes for several hours…the longest time was a 4 hours of being logged in. I was able to get a lot done…including the reading for my anthropology class which I have been behind in ever since the beginning of the semester…which was a good thing considering my somewhat obsessive-compulsive tendencies towards social networking sites…some of which I have come to realize are a complete waste of time…I refuse to respond to comments and wall posts and all the fucking lols and hahas.

So instead of spending an inordinate amount of time on my fat ass staring at a computer screen and the picture of some drunk friend exposing his alcoholism on Facebook. I studied, called the caterer went to church to get my ashes and started writing again.

Not writing for me, particularly here in my blog was perhaps the worst part of my addiction to Facebook.

I mean my addiction to that site was so bad that I would literally be constantly scanning for new friend updates on my blackberry so focused on what I was doing that I would literally walk into things like streets with on coming traffic and the like. As of midnight I signed out my Facebook account and have been walking with my blackberry in hand waiting for the next wall post or message. I still did get a lot of email notifications from Facebook from people writing on my wall, but instead of responding I just went on my way and updated my Twitter account which I forgot was connected to mt Facebook.

Since I am not trolling around the Facebook site for hours on end…I even started filling my time reading stuff , like the newspaper and books and in a few hours I had finished that book the Wizards First Rule which I had started reading in December but stopped because my Facebook addiction had consumed so much of my time.

Now I use my Twitter account more as I have been for the past several weeks because it is not such a time consuming and site and it allows me to write a blog…or better yet anything at all…simply as if I was just sending a text message.

Also I found that the more time I spent on Facebook I was isolated from the world. A lot of time I would just pull out Blackberry and log onto my facebook when I was in other peoples company primarily so I could avoid having to actually talk to a human being. A recent time that I noticed myself doing this was at Angela’s coming home party just before just before school started. I remember as she was driving me home pulling out my blackberry and logging onto my facebook. I saw her kind of glance at me and it was just then that I began to realize that I had an addiction that was beyond obsessive. I mean here I was using facebook to chat with other people instead of talking to a friend of mine who I had not seen in three months and had just returned from Australia. I realized what kind of person would do that? A selfish one, but then addiction is a selfish thing.

Verissimilitude

Verissimilitude the definition of which can be described as honesty is a word that seems to echo in my head quite a bit now and I am uncertain as to why. Perhaps because I am learning to become more honest with myself as time goes by but I cannot shake the feeling that even as I go through life there is a certain part of me that is not being entirely honest with myself. I went to the Rally Against Hate yesterday and I felt a certain sense of anger but there was something else there something that has been hidden inside of me so long that it has left me confused and wondering that if I said it out loud would I be lying or telling. As I am writing this the words are fighting to come out but my own disbelief in their veracity force me to hold them back. I mean could it be true could I be g-? God, as soon as I attempted to put that word on my page I stopped because I could not write it forse the shame and stigma that is attached to it.
I am a coward either because I cannot tell the truth or because I cannot tell a lie.

Writer’s Block

Why is it that writers block has hit me right now? Is it because I have so much hate and anger right now that I am frustrated and bereft of the words that I can use to express my rage and dissapointment with the world. Could it be that I have come to the realization that some people while intending good things can actually damage or destroy something in their very efforts. Such is the irony of human existence from which humaniy’s blind faith in its own perverse sense of morality is born. Can it be any wonder that as long as their have been religion believing in the God of love and peace that there has been killing in his name,
And His name used to spread hatred and bigotry? Not really.

Word River

 

Words once ran through my mind like a river

falling from the rains of Heaven

carving canyons of hope and love in their wake

washing away the layers of regret

and replenishing the soils of faith

so that providence may grow.


Now the river is dammed by anger and resentment

the bricks of the dam cemented with frustration

and teeming with rage-full bricks the dam stands firm

but every dam must burst as the waters build up behind it

and the words will flow freely once more.


Yet the words are still standing at the brink

slowly trickling over the side

with only the promise of what is to come

but such promise is sweet.

journalism association for the disabled

I think it is time that we had a journalism associated for the disabled. I would call it the ADJA the Americans with Disabilities Journalism Association. I however do not want to be president there are more qualified people for that.
I just have to ask if anyone would support me on this?
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